The ad reads: Give Your Sweetheart a Surprise This Valentine’s Day! New Cupid’s arrow, brimming with tinsel and glittery snowflakes straight from Santa. Now, you can cover two holidays in one!
Christmas ads are popping up earlier and earlier every year. It used to be we’d hum along to White Christmas right around the same time we pushed Thanksgiving off the calendar.
Little by little, our holiday music began wafting through the wide aisles of Kmart and Target and “Wally’s World” around thirty seconds after midnight on Halloween night. Luke Skywalker and Spiderman costumes were barely off the racks when they were instantly replaced by inflatable Santas and automated reindeer.
Then, just when we were about to accept the hijacking of Christmas to that loftier spot on our shopping itinerary, the Wall Street advertising maniacs propelled it to a newer destination yet: Labor Day. I heard it for myself—ads combining the “early” Christmas shopping deals with the last picnic of summer. Hard to believe the tie-in with this high holy day and a backyard barbecue.
Now I love Christmas as much as anyone, but come on. What’s next? Pushing Christmas advertising up to July 4th? Picture this: Christmas shop ’til you drop while they’re shooting off fireworks shaped like the Star of Bethlehem or the Three Wise Men. Can’t you just see a star-lit banner with hundreds of Christmas twinklers lighting up the sky with the words “Bargains galore at Ye Olde Christmas Store”? Get your holy fireworks here!
What if Christmas ads got started as early as Presidents Day? Imagine the advertising folks’ glee at seducing shoppers with Christmas snow globes that settle over the 3D faces of Lincoln, Roosevelt, or Reagan when you shake them. And there’d have to be a holiday lottery: winner receives pre-recorded Christmas greetings from our current President to fill you with that humble, political Christmas spirit.
If this were to keep up, it would seem the advertisers might simply catch up with themselves. Talk about back to the future. We’d be toasting the New Year in with a glass of bubbly in one hand and a cup of eggnog in the other, while strains of Auld Lang Syne and Holly Jolly Christmas competed for top billing in the background. But which holiday would we be drinking to? It would be so confusing!
I think we should call for a ban on all Christmas advertising that shows up before Thanksgiving. I say we should bury our billfolds and Mastercards and declare who’s really in charge here. TAKE THAT, you Wall Street wizards.
Now there’s something I really would drink to. How’ bout you?